Well, it's happening again. Another one of our children is growing up. It's Adam, this time. Right before our eyes, he's transforming, changing, trying to make that leap into being bigger. It's very bitter sweet for me because I know I'll never have an eight month old again, will never have a baby doing exactly what he's doing right now. It's complicated by the fact that I love this age, the age right between sitting up independently and crawling, when you can sit them in the middle of the room to play with toys and you can run to the bathroom or put a load of laundry in and be relatively sure they'll be in the same spot when you get back.
He's outgrowing clothes and baby toys and I can't yet get the courage to part with them. You'd think, being a mother of six and having been in this stage for fifteen years, that I would be shouting my near freedom from the roof tops and gladly giving away all the baby stuff I owe, but that's just not the case. I get tears in my eyes at the thought of passing on his cute clothes, swing, baby tub, and other baby gear. In the past, we've always known there would be another, one more to hold, to love, to cuddle and to grow. I honestly think I'd have a million more if I could, but they all grow up and they each have needs, and as we all know, their needs are great.
We're in a new position now, a place of knowing we're moving on, and looking forward to that, which is a dichotomy, really. I am anxious to take the boys skiing with us, to do the Hiawatha trail with all the kids at least once before Amanda goes off to college, to do Disneyland without two diaper bags in tow. But that means giving up something too. Moving on means firmly shutting a door and I have mixed feeling about that door being shut. I will miss this stage of my life. I'll miss slobbery kisses, sleepness nights, toothless grins. I will miss watching a baby crawl for the first time, feeding solids, and the sweet smell of a baby's little head. For now, the baby stuff sits in the storage room and in the garage, waiting for me to get the courage to deal with it. Soon, I will. Just not today.
4 comments:
It is sad for me too. Noah changed so much just between Sept. and Christmas. I guess "WE" will just have to adapt and accept that the growing pains are ours---not their's. Adam was so close to crawling while I was there, I knew it would be anyday---just at the right time when something he wanted was a little out of his reach, taunting him. Ha!
ohhh...it'll make mae sad too, laura. i went through and donated a lot a month or so ago and it was hard. just do a little at a time and stop when you feel the tears coming on. adam is adorable. it feel as if it were just yesterday that he was born...
*hugs*! -meg
You are such a good mamma! And I understand the feeling of not wanting your babies to grow up. I thought that I was done having babies and just when Caleb turned one I started having these feelings. The thought of not having a baby baby anymore, it made me really sad. Maybe this is why grandma and grandpa had so many many brothers and sisters. What was it like 12 or 13 each. I don't know for sure but it was alot. So by their standards you could still have alot more babies... haha lol.... Well just take one step at a time and I'm sure you will get through this.
Well I don't think I necessarily had those thoughts but just last night Dan and I were talking about vacations and I told him that we only have a couple left with Whitney so we should definately get her opinion since its such a short time.
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